


Spinning

by Ripki



Category: Flight 29 Down
Genre: Angst and Humor, Awkward questions, Drama, F/M, Flirting, Spin the Bottle, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-14
Updated: 2008-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-04 20:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripki/pseuds/Ripki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A game of Spin the Bottle, well, spins out of control. And Melissa finally reaches her breaking point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where there is too much thinking and a vote is held

\----

 

Three weeks - _three weeks_ \- they had been on the island. Strange how adaptable human nature was, already Melissa had begun to think it as _home_. Which was just wrong, on so many levels. It was just a place where they had been thrown out of bad (or good) luck. No matter how many nice shelters they built, the camp could not be anything but a temporary place while they waited to be rescued - to HOME. Home as in LA, California, USA. Home as in 7390 Rodeo Drive. Home as in her very own bedroom, walls pastel green, painted just a few months ago. 

 

God, how she missed her own room, her dog, dad and mom - _Mom!_ \- She had cried over them the first four nights, smothering the tears to her sleeping bag so no one would notice. Had she actually fooled anyone, she didn’t know. She suspected that pretty much everyone had shed tears in those first nights, when everything seemed impossible to overcome. But they had survived - 21 days and nights! - and now when the question wasn’t anymore about surviving on the island, it had became about the rescue once more. When were they going to be rescued? How long they had to wait? What if no one was looking for them? What if they were never going to be rescued? But stuck on the island, the seven of them for years and years until they would die off one by one… 

 

“Melissa! I think the water is boiled already.” Daley was looking at her from across the fireplace, a question in her eyes. Melissa realised that she had probably been staring the boiling water kettle for some time now.

 

“Sorry.” She took the battered kettle carefully from its self-made hanging place above the precious fire. The life on the island seemed so much simpler. One ate, slept and worked. No hard choices, like what one would have for breakfast. There were only fruit and fish and coconuts. No deciding what to do after the chores either. Movies? Hanging out with friends? Shopping? School clubs? Family night? There wasn’t any of that bliss here. Well, expect hanging out with friends, but even that was not really spending time together for the sheer fun of it, but living together 24/7 and making each other crazy and frustrated and bored. 

 

There was too much time to think. Melissa had never examined herself and others around her this intensively, never thought about the choices she and her family had made. Never thought why others saw her in a certain way, never contemplated change. She was sixteen for God’s sake, she was supposed to be upset over school and boys, not to think how best to survive in a deserted island. And okay, maybe she was also antagonizing herself over _a boy_ , so that just showed how some things were disgustingly the same no matter where she was…

 

“Melissa?“ She became once more aware of Daley’s stare. “Did you hear anything I just said?“ 

 

“Sorry. I was thinking. What did you say?”

 

“Nothing important. You just seem to be doing it a lot lately.“ 

 

“Doing what?“ Melissa became aware of footsteps coming behind her. Jackson trudged back to camp with a load of firewood. Melissa felt her muscles tensing despite herself. 

 

”Thinking.” Daley had that carefully constructed I-am-not-really-worried-voice. Funny, back home Melissa would have been fooled by it, but here she had become to know when her friend was feeling concerned. 

 

”There isn’t much else to do here.” She tried to sound careless, and wondered if Daley could tell the difference in her tone. All the while she was painfully aware of Jackson, who dumped his load to their “wood-shelter” and came to sit by the fire, silent and next to impossible to read. Melissa sighed. She couldn’t tell the differences in his voice. From the very day he came to her school, she had tried to get to know him, almost desperately, but had run into a courteous brick wall. Here at last, on this island, it seemed she had finally gotten to see the real Jackson. Or so she had thought before.

 

”True, but too much thinking doesn’t really lead to anywhere.” Daley was saying. “We need some action.”

 

“Like more work?” Taylor’s tone of voice said clearly what she thought of that idea. She would not do more work. No way. Taylor positioned herself next to Jackson and ignored Daley’s frown. 

 

“I take thinking over working any day.” Eric pressed his hat further into his head and closed his eyes.

 

“Yes, we know that Eric.” Nathan sounded tired, and briefly Melissa wondered what he really thought in that moment. _Is he wishing us all into hell?_

 

“I was thinking some activity other than work. Like weaving…”

 

“Work.” Taylor interrupted their leader, but Daley ignored her and continued, “Or decorating the campsite…”

 

“Work again.” Taylor sounded annoyed. 

 

“Well, do _you_ have any suggestions?” Daley all but snapped. Every fault they found in each other seemed to become so much more annoying as the days went by.

 

Melissa had followed the conversation with absent mind. She was more involved in studying Jackson, curious as to how he would react to the ongoing talk. He seemed to be also deep in his own thoughts, but Melissa could detect a ghost of a smirk in his lips. Taylor had made him smile a few times lately. A lot more than she ever had. _Too much thinking Melissa!_ Daley was right. She really needed to stop wallowing in her own thoughts. Nothing good could come from them. 

 

”…and so we would get to know each other better, believe me, a lot more fun than doing some weaving or whatever.” Taylor was exited by her own idea. _What was the idea again?_ Melissa looked at Daley to get her reaction, determined not to ask again what they were talking about. Daley looked doubtful, but not set against whatever idea Taylor had presented. 

 

”It could be nice, but I don’t think that everyone would want to participate.” As Daley said this she looked at Jackson, whose face held no information of his thoughts about the idea. 

 

“Well lets vote! Anyone in favour, raise their hands!” Taylor emphasised her point by eagerly thrusting her hand in the air. Eric seemed to be as thrilled about the idea as Taylor was, and raised his arm quickly. Daley’s hand rose slower, but rose it did. Jackson, Nathan and Lex didn’t move. Trusting herself to fate, Melissa raised her hand.

 

“Great! So, let’s play spin the bottle!” Eric’s voice held a gleeful note, promising trouble. 

 

Melissa groaned. _Oh great._


	2. Where they all argue

\---

 

“We voted! And we won!” Taylor was upset. “That means everyone has to play, because... well because!” 

 

The decision to play “spin the bottle” had not been single minded. Nathan had questioned if they could even vote on such matters, and Lex had repeatedly told them that he thought it was a very bad idea. Jackson was silent, but his thoughts were not hard to guess. _Over my dead body._ Melissa on the other hand had regretted raising her arm the moment she realized just what she had voted for. 

 

“It could be fun.” Strangely, Daley still supported Taylor’s idea, looking excited and embarrassed at the same time. 

 

“Yeah, it also could be murder. Remember that we have to live here together until who knows how long.” As Nathan said this he glanced at Eric, who seemed to be enjoying the ongoing argument. 

 

“We can ask just general questions, or decide that some topics are off limits. And we don’t have to answer questions we don’t want.” Daley tried to persuade.

 

“But where is the fun in that?!” Eric rolled his eyes. “The whole idea of the game, the _fun_ of it, is to ask something other than what is your favourite colour!”

 

“You know, Eric is kind of right in that,” Taylor said and shrugged her slim shoulders. 

 

“Guys, I really think this is a bad idea.” Lex sounded frustrated. He was standing in the middle of the camp, looking at them one by one, and finally turning to look pleadingly at Daley.

 

“Yeah, your opinion has been well established. Anyway, wizard kids don’t need to participate.” Eric managed to sound even more rude than usual.

 

_I hate this._ As the fight went on and on, Melissa stared at the fire and tried to tune the voices out. She hated this constant fighting. It seemed they couldn’t do anything without arguing about it first, and it was seriously starting to get on her nerves. What was the point of all this? She longed to just get up and to go somewhere by herself, to forget everything. Or shout at everybody to shut up. But that wasn’t Melissa. No, she would sit here, silent and unmoving, until they had sorted this out, and then she would do whatever they had in their great wisdom decided. Even if that wisdom dictated that they should play “spin the bottle”. God, why couldn’t they see that they were just asking for more trouble?

 

Melissa tried to remember, if they had fought each other this relentlessly and frequently at school, but the truth was, they all had hung in different circles. Well, she had been friends with Daley and Nathan before they were all thrust together on the island, but even when the two of them had often quarrelled, Melissa had rarely raised her own voice in anger or annoyance. 

 

Had she lost her own voice by being too compliant? She had had a lot of time to think, not only about the actions of others, but her own behaviour. She knew a part of it was because she didn’t like fighting, didn’t like being mad at someone, or being at the receiving end of someone else’s anger. And if she was really honest with herself, she could admit that it also brought a certain satisfaction, to be in a kind of superior position, granted to her by the role of peacemaker and “everyone’s friend“. But above all, Melissa simply wanted to be liked. 

 

She had been also brought up to respect her parents, her teachers, her elders. Her family was still fairly traditional; even if the old beliefs of her grandparent’s native country were passed on to her as bedtime stories and legends, the family hierarchy had stayed the same from generation to generation. Her father was the head of the family, and had to be obeyed. Not that Melissa had a lot of reason to rebel against him; in many things her father did as she wanted, gave her what she needed. The least she could do was to keep her tongue civil around her parents. 

 

The crux of the matter was, when was the right time to raise one’s voice? Melissa didn’t want to argue about who had accidentally kicked Taylor’s drying shirt to the sand (a topic they had “discussed” at great length just the night before), or who snored the most (after an hour they had reached a stalemate: no one confessed, so the noise had to come from some weird animal). However, now the stakes were that much higher; a game had been suggested and Melissa didn’t have to think twice about her opinion. 

 

_Let’s see; boredom or humiliation?_ It was no choice at all; she had to put her foot firmly down, and cancel her earlier unfortunate vote. 

 

“Melissa!” Taylor’s annoyed voice shattered her thoughts. Slowly Melissa raised her head to look at Taylor’s determined face. “Say something! You voted for it!”

 

All eyes turned towards Melissa. It was her chance to tell them what she really thought. She couldn’t think of anything to say. 

 

“I…I really don’t think - I mean I just…” Her voice faded away. 

 

“Well that was a great help.” Taylor looked at Melissa like the other girl had personally let her down. 

 

_God, what is wrong with me?_ A pile was starting to form in her throat. She couldn’t even form a coherent sentence anymore, let alone express her opinions. Quickly she glanced at Jackson. He probably thought that she was pathetic. At the moment, he looked as fed up as she felt.

 

“Look, it is one thing to vote on a work schedule and a whole another thing to vote to force people to talk.” Jackson’s voice was tense.

 

“You are right.” Daley sighed. “We can’t and won’t make someone to do something against their will.” 

 

“Hey, I drag those water canisters all day long and against my will!“ 

 

“Eric-“ Daley’s voice held a warning in it.

 

“Alright, alright.“ Eric sounded defeated. “But it won’t be as much fun if only four of us play. I thought we would have done it as a group. Like bonding in this time of trial. But if someone doesn’t want to participate…“

 

Daley rose from her sitting position, took a long breath and opened her mouth. _Here it comes,_ Melissa thought. _The great speech._

 

“Maybe this isn’t the best possible idea, but Eric is partly right. We work and live together, but we don’t really do anything else together. We have focused all our energies on surviving, and I think we are all stressed and frustrated. Partly because of that nothing is done without fighting and bickering. Maybe, just relaxing and spending some time together would help us to get better along. So, I am willing to try, if you are.”

 

The group was silent after Daley’s speech, until Nathan nodded his head and said, “Alright, you had me convinced.”

 

“Good man!” Eric tried to give Nathan the high five, but the other didn’t respond. 

 

“Jackson?” Daley asked hopefully.

 

“Whatever.” Jackson shrugged his shoulders like it didn‘t make any difference to him, but to Melissa he looked uncomfortable and isolated.

 

“Yes! Finally something I’m good at.” Taylor grinned. Jackson smiled. Melissa felt miserable.

 

“I still don’t think this is a good idea.” But Lex’s words fell to deaf ears.


	3. Where the game begins

\---

 

They sat in a circle next to the fire, an empty plastic bottle in the middle. The bored atmosphere of the afternoon was gone - excitement and dread lay thick upon the six players. Lex had crawled inside the tent with his backpack, not wanting to participate. No one had actually tried to persuade him to stay; they all knew that things could quickly veer into X-rated territory. The fact that the thin walls of the tent wouldn’t block any sounds off didn’t stop them from playing. _Out of sight, out of mind._ It wasn’t potentially awkward questions that Melissa feared though; she was afraid they were going to unleash an all-out war.

 

_Oh God, this is going to be a massacre._

 

There was just no possible way that Taylor and Eric were going to pass by this opportunity to embarrass the others and create more mayhem. Melissa was still furious to herself for agreeing to play, but she tried to get her feelings under control. She would be calm and poised. Whatever they would ask, she would get through it with dignity. If she could just stay calm, they wouldn’t be able to embarrass her. She would not be afraid of simple questions. 

 

Melissa willed her hands to stop twitching, halted her fingers from fiddling with her clothes and hair. _Don’t show them that you are nervous. Don’t let them smell your fear._ The ridiculousness of the situation was suddenly almost painfully apparent. It was just a game! _Get a freaking grip Melissa._

 

She looked at the others and thought she could detect a little apprehension on their faces, but otherwise they seemed fine, normal: Eric gleeful, Taylor and Daley exited, Nathan cautious and Jackson remote and self-contained - as usual. It was only Melissa, who seemed to be a nervous wreck. 

 

“We spin the bottle and ask a question from whoever the bottle points to, and the person can either answer it truthfully or refuse and do a task instead,” Daley explained with a grave voice. 

 

“I think everyone here knows the rules already,” Taylor snorted. She was sitting between Jackson and Eric, eager to begin the game. 

 

“Well, better to be sure now than fight later.” Daley wasn’t put off continuing. “So, one has to decide whether to take the truth or dare before one knows what they are going to be.”

 

“And no changing your mind after it!” Eric insisted. 

 

“Are we all clear on rules?“ Apart from an impatient “yeah yeah” from Taylor, no one said anything. “Okay, I’ll spin who will go first.” Daley took hold of the bottle, and spun it around. All eyes were glued to the whirling bottle. It twirled innumerable times around, until its speed slowed down and it finally stopped. The mouth of the bottle was pointing at Nathan. 

 

“Alright…” Nathan looked a little perplexed, glancing hesitantly back at Daley. 

 

“Come on, lets get this show on the road!” Eric nudged Nathan with his elbow, eager to have his own turn. 

 

Nathan didn’t need more prodding, but spun the bottle around. It pointed at Daley and Melissa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _Yeah, no one saw that coming._ Nathan was clearly pleased about the outcome. “A question or a dare?”

 

Daley had turned slightly pink for having been picked, but had clearly already made her mind, for without hesitation she announced that she would take the question. 

 

“Who or what would you take with you to an deserted island?” Nathan grinned. 

 

Eric groaned, “That’s _so_ lame.”

 

Daley didn’t seem to mind. She thought for a moment and then answered, “I would take a good friend - you know, after the working radio.” She was smiling. Melissa sighed and couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed with _her_ good friend. The mystery of Daley’s eagerness to play the game had been solved: she obviously wanted a chance to flirt with Nathan. Too bad she had gotten Melissa into the mess as well. If only Daley had refused, it would have been four against three, in spite of Melissa’s own unintentional yes vote. 

 

Daley took hold of the bottle and sent it to point at Eric, who smirked, “Thank you very much.”

 

“Oh, don’t thank me yet. Truth or dare?”

 

“Truth of course. I have already slaved enough today.”

 

“As you wish.” Daley looked like a cat that had just eaten a particularly big mouse. “Who do you love most in this world - apart from yourself that is?”

 

Eric looked a little less smug after the question that had clearly caught him unawares. It had also surprised Melissa, who had to admire Daley’s genius; it seemed that the way to embarrass Eric was to ask about serious sentimental things he would not be able to dodge without being even more of a jerk than usual. 

 

Everyone were looking at Eric, when he shrugged his shoulders like he couldn’t care less about the topic and answered, “My mom.” Daley didn’t have any witty comeback to that. 

 

“My turn!” As Eric spun the bottle Melissa started to pray. _Please let it Not be me, please Not me, Not me…_ For once she had good luck, unlike Jackson who now had to face a gleeful Eric. 

 

“Truth or dare man - and pick wisely.”

 

“Truth.” Jackson looked undaunted and Melissa’s heart skipped a beat. 

 

“How many crimes do you have on your rap sheet?” A deathly silence settled upon the camp. Melissa was at the same time outraged - _How dare he ask that!_ -, intrigued in spite of herself - _Is it true that Jackson has a criminal record?_ \- and unbelieving - _Eric can’t know that!_ She held her breath as they waited for Jackson’s answer. 

 

_He’ll deny it. He’ll say that Eric is so full of shit-_

 

“Two.” Said clearly and steadily, just that one word. No explanations, even if they all were dying to hear more. Melissa was stunned by Jackson’s answer and then immediately was angry at herself for it. It was none of their - her - business. She had no right to be so shocked, and besides, she didn’t even know what “the two” were. 

 

Jackson seemed to be as immovable as ever, but Melissa thought she could detect a small tremor in his hands, an almost unseen twitch in his face, and she longed to give Eric hell for hurting him. 

 

Next was Daley’s turn again, and this time she chose the dare, apparently thinking that Jackson wouldn’t make her do anything too embarrassing. As it turned out, Daley was left feeling plenty of mortified. 

 

“Go check on Lex. If he needs anything.”

 

Melissa couldn’t tell, if Jackson purposely made Daley feel like she had been slighting Lex, or if he just wanted to make sure that the tent’s lone occupant was not upset by the ongoing game. She hoped it was the latter. She also hoped that Lex had fallen asleep and had not heard Eric’s question. 

 

The sun had gone down awhile ago and had left them to be mere shadows across the sand. It was hard to see Daley’s expression in the heated glare of the fireplace as she rose from her place and peeked into the tent. She disappeared inside it. 

 

“So what felonies have you committed Jackson?” Eric was the one to break the silence, but it wasn’t possible to even pretend that they all hadn’t wanted to ask that particular question. 

 

“It’s not your turn.” Jackson’s curt answer was stony.

 

“It will be soon enough.” There was a challenge in Eric’s words and tone - a warning. As soon as he would get the chance, he would force the answer out of Jackson. Melissa closed her eyes in desperation; she had known the game would turn to be ugly, but not that it would happen this quickly. _Clearly I was too optimistic. And we have just begun…_

 

The tenseness decreased slightly, when Daley returned to the circle. She sat down and directed her words straight to Jackson, “Lex’s fine. He’s going to sleep. We should quieten our voices.” She grasped the bottle and with one forceful twist of her wrist sent it reeling before their eyes. 

 

It ended up pointing towards Melissa. 

 

_Oh Great._ She started feverishly to think which one she should take: the question or the task? Which one would be less damaging? And surely Daley wouldn’t ask or make her do anything too terrible, right? They were friends and friends looked out for each other and- 

 

“Truth or dare Melissa?” 

 

With no time to think, Melissa threw herself to the mercy of whatever gods were watching their little game - _probably the gods of mayhem and destruction_ \- and answered with growing dread, “I’ll take…the truth.”

 

”Who have you kissed?”

 

Melissa’s mind froze. She couldn’t believe Daley had just asked her that. _Doesn’t she know…_ Melissa desperately wanted to choose again, to take that dare, even if she would end up dancing Macarena in front of everyone. It wouldn’t be half as mortifying as her answer was going to be. 

 

“Well Melissa, who have you swapped spit with?” Taylor was grinning, hardly able to contain her glee. The six shadowy faces were turned towards Melissa, waiting for her to open her mouth. 

 

In that moment, she hated them all so much it clenched her insides into a hard knot.


	4. Where Melissa is mortified twice over

\----

 

_Who have you kissed?_

 

Melissa’s mind had frozen upon hearing Daley’s question. Underneath the panic - _I can’t tell them that!_ \- was the bitter tang of betrayal. She couldn’t believe that Daley had forced her into this awkward position, where her only options were either to refuse to answer the question (which would make her a pathetic coward) or to lie (which they would all realize as Melissa couldn’t lie to safe her life). 

 

The third choice was to tell the truth. Which was no choice at all, but Jackson had told them the truth, even when it must have hurt like hell and confessing to having a rap sheet was so much worse - well, slightly worse - than anything she could say. 

 

“Stop stalling! We don’t have all night!” Taylor’s urging voice scattered her thoughts. Time was running out; everyone was looking at her expectantly. 

 

Melissa took a deep breath and launched into a nervous explanation, “Well…of course I have kissed my family and you know, given pecks on the cheeks of these old ladies, who are my grandmother’s friends - they always hug me and…” Melissa realized that she was rambling horribly and quickly spat out the rest of her answer, “and in the kindergarten I kissed Nathan and then in the seventh grade Eric - although it was he who kissed me and not…you know…the other way around…” 

 

Stunned silence. Melissa braved a look around her, and saw that her face wasn’t the only one that was burning from mortification. Eric was also blushing furiously, but she was short on sympathy. _I guess when he was so eager to play, he didn’t think that this would come up._ “This” really wasn’t that big of a deal, it was embarrassing as hell, but it was not like they had even made goo-goo eyes at each other. She and Eric had been paired off in a history project and they had spent some time together, and then one day at the mall, from some unfathomable reason Eric had suddenly kissed her and they had never spoken about it again.

 

Nathan and Daley looked both taken aback, although Melissa wasn’t all that sure it was from the same reason. Nathan was obviously surprised, since she had never told her best friend about the kissing-incident, as she and Eric had wordlessly decided that it had been just a misunderstanding and that really, _nothing had happened._ As for Daley…Melissa was beginning to suspect that the reason she had asked that particular question to begin with was because she had wanted to know, if Melissa and Nathan had ever kissed. For one brief moment, Melissa viciously hoped that she could have changed that kindergarten to something more recent, just to rile Daley up. _That would serve her right._

 

“Wow, I’m impressed. You have managed to smooch with half of the males on this island. Who would have thought?” Taylor’s gleeful words shattered the silence; the girl looked way too much amused by Melissa’s confession. “Going for the full house? Should Jackson and Lex be on their guards now?” 

 

Melissa felt her eyes burning, and furiously tried to keep the tears at bay. She would not cry. There was nothing to cry about; Taylor was full of shit as usual, but why did she had to draw Jackson into it? Melissa could hardly look at him. He hadn’t said a word; he just sat there, a stony expression on his face. 

 

“Okay, let’s go on. Mel, spin the bottle.” Nathan came to her rescue and reminded them that it was her turn to make someone else squirm. Melissa grabbed the bottle quickly and spun it around. _They are so going to pay…or not._ The bottle pointed at Jackson. Her heart started hammering. 

 

“Truth.” He chose before Melissa had the chance to ask which one he wanted. Jackson’s eyes were fixed on hers, as if daring her to ask the question they all wanted to know the answer to. She could do it, just say _what crimes did you do,_ and who she had kissed would instantly be small potatoes. And Jackson could have picked the dare, but he hadn’t, although he must have known that she could ask him anything. 

 

Who was she kidding? She really couldn’t, so she settled for something that had piqued her interest ever since she had learned that he played guitar. “Who is your favourite songwriter?”

 

“Oh come on! That’s your question? You could have asked _anything!_ ” Eric’s outrage was palpable. It was clear what he thought of Melissa: she was a wimp. 

 

Melissa couldn’t have cared less. Jackson was smiling at her as he answered. Melissa filed his words to memory and made a note to herself to find out as much about Bob Dylan as she could, when/if they got home.

 

When Jackson spun the bottle, it ended up pointing at Nathan. Melissa couldn’t help but feel pleased with the outcome as Taylor sighed in disappointment. 

 

Nathan had clearly taken notice of the questions’ vicious streak and chose to do the task instead. He might have wanted to reconsider, if he had known the dare - or maybe not, Melissa thought, as she watched the tips of Nathan’s ears turn pink from Jackson’s order, “Kiss the person on your left.” 

 

“Oh…o-kay…” Nathan turned slowly towards Daley, who was blushing and looking at anywhere else than back at him. He pecked her quickly on the cheek as Eric whooped and tried to see the kiss from behind Nathan’s back. 

 

Jackson grinned sharply at Eric, “Be glad it wasn’t the person on his right.” Nathan and Daley were both staring at the ground, but it was obvious they weren’t feeling too much resentment towards Jackson, if any. _Jackson playing Cupid_ …Melissa had to admit that was probably the last thing she had expected him to do. 

 

“Oh please…snap out of it already and spin!” Taylor all but thrust the bottle into Nathan’s hands. He took it and sent it to point at Taylor, who clearly had been eagerly waiting her turn at the game. 

 

“Finally! I am going to take…the truth.”

 

Melissa hoped for an embarrassing question, but was surprised again by Nathan‘s thoughtful, “What is the worst moment of your life? And getting stuck here doesn’t count.” 

 

The smirk on Taylor’s face didn’t waver. “Well that’s easy; the Third World War that was my parent’s divorce.” Before anyone had time to comment, she spun the bottle with force. It whirled and whirled and finally stopped - pointing at Melissa. _Oh Great._ It was now proven: the luck had deserted her completely. 

 

”Truth or dare?” Taylor’s voice was full of honey, but it didn’t fool Melissa for one moment. The dread spread inside her, made her palms sweaty. _She’ll ask something embarrassing for sure. The dare can’t be that bad._

 

”The dare.” _It can’t be that bad._

 

”Sing us a song.”

 

_I take it back! She knows I have horrible singing voice._ While Melissa was cursing Taylor, her own bad luck and the world in general, the other girl was still continuing the dare, “Sing the Old Mac Donald Had a Farm - even you know that one.”

 

There was a reason, why Melissa didn’t sing anywhere. In emergency situations, like under disapproving glares in church service, she moved her lips soundlessly, but no actual singing ever passed her lips. Not since one disastrous music class in school, where Taylor with the rest of the class had witnessed Melissa’s croaking and had burst into fits of laughter. Even Mrs. Murphy, one of Melissa’s favourite teachers, had had a grin on her face before she had managed to school it into a frown. 

 

She couldn’t sing. Not in front of Jackson, who himself was musical and had a nice singing voice and probably would be horrified by Melissa’s impersonation of a cawing crow. She would die of shame - or anger. She was so furious with Taylor that her hands shook with rage. _I will get back at her - I’m going to wipe that smirk of her face!_

 

“Are you going to start sometime tonight…or are you backing out?” Eric’s words were challenging, and there was glee in his voice. Melissa had a sudden sharp understanding that she had gained a new enemy by revealing the kissing-incident, even if it hadn’t been basically her fault at all. A glance around the circle showed the state of her friendships: Nathan and Daley looked sympathetic, Jackson curious, Eric and Taylor spiteful.

 

“Well?” Taylor was all too pleased with herself; it was a win-win situation for her. If Melissa backed down, everyone would think that she was a coward with no sense of humour. On the other hand, if she sang, everyone would be traumatized for life by her screeching voice. 

 

Unexpectedly, it was Jackson, who helped her decide. 

 

“Come on.” He seemed eager to hear her sing. “It can’t be that bad.” 

 

_Oh, trust me, it can._ But he was smiling, and if there was one thing Melissa was not, it was a humourless coward, so she swallowed whatever pride she still had left and opened her mouth. 

 

“Old Mac Donald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O, and on his farm he had some ducks, E-I-EI-O, with a quack quack here, and a quack quack there, here a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack quack, Old Mac Donald had a farm E-I-E-O, and on his farm he had some cows, E-I-E-O….”


	5. Where everyone is traumatized for life

\----

 

After three torturous verses of “Old Mac Donald Had a Farm” Melissa figured that everyone - especially she herself - had had enough. Her croaking, horribly out of tune voice faded into a stunned silence. 

 

Unfortunately, the night didn’t stay silent for long. 

 

“Oh man! No wonder you don’t do this singing thing, it would scare everything that has a pulse, and isn’t totally deaf - shit, it did, you hear that, no birds in the trees or anything - man, you have to record that and sell it to banish wild animals or something -” 

 

“There’s no birds Eric, because it’s night you idiot! How many birds have you heard here during the night?” Nathan was quick to come to the rescue, but that didn’t comfort Melissa much. Eric was right, and now her mortification was complete. Her face burned with shame, and she avoided looking at Jackson. _If he is grinning and laughing I can’t take it…_

 

“Well there wouldn’t be any, if it was a day! I think my eardrums were in danger of bursting out of fright. Mel, you have to warn people, when you do that - put up a sing that says _Warning! Listening to me sing might be hazardous to your health_ -”

 

“Eric!”

 

“- _listen at your own risk._ But don’t feel bad; singing that god-awfully is a real talent, not a lot of people can do it - even if they try.”

 

“Eric, stop it!” Daley looked thunderous and Melissa didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She had a sudden urge to remind her friend of her earlier words, _how did it go again Daley? Something about relaxing and spending time together that would help us to get better along._ Yeah, they were half way there already. Another word from Eric and Melissa would either storm out of the camp, or rip his throat out - maybe both. 

 

“Oh come on, it’s just teasing; besides stupid dares are part of the game.” For the first time since giving Melissa her dare, Taylor opened her mouth. “No harm done, right Melissa?” 

 

As Taylor looked at her with sympathetic eyes that were clearly faked, Melissa had a thousand things to say to her - mainly where Taylor could shove her empathy - but finally settled for one word.

 

“Right.” Her throat was dry and she hardly got the word out. Her face was still burning; she was beginning to suspect that it was a permanent condition. 

 

“Well, I think you did good Mel.” Jackson on the other hand sounded completely sincere, and Melissa forgot that she wasn’t supposed to look at him, and turned towards him incredulously. 

 

Jackson wasn’t laughing, but meeting her gaze with solemn eyes. “It’s easy to sing well, when you are good at it, but it take guts to still sing, if you - uh, well if you suck at it.” A humorous grin sneaked on his face, and Melissa couldn’t stop herself from smiling back. 

 

“You thought I was awful?” 

 

“Awesomely awful.” He burst into laughter - wild and free of mockery -, and it wasn’t the end of the world she had been expecting, far from it; it was a glorious sound that made her feel exponentially better, warm all over.

 

“Nice. I’ll make sure to invite you to listen, if I for some unfathomable reason feel like bursting into a song.” 

 

“I’ll be gladly there.” 

 

“Melissa! Spin already!” Taylor sounded annoyed, which made Melissa feel even better. _He is smiling to me now._ Taylor’s plan to humiliate Melissa had fallen flat, as the only person, who’s opinion mattered hadn’t joined in the ridicule. Surely Jackson could see what a bitch Taylor was - it wasn’t exactly the girl’s secret identity. _Kill the witch._ Melissa felt a brief stab of remorse for her vicious thoughts, but decided to give herself some slack, for it wasn’t as if she ever would voice them. She was a too nice a girl. 

 

Melissa spun the bottle so that it ended up pointing at Nathan. 

 

“Me again huh?” Nathan seemed nervous, and Melissa smiled at him reassuringly. He didn’t have anything to fear from her - he was her oldest and truest friend. She felt suddenly very grateful to have him there with her and regretted that all the camp drama had sidelined their time together. When had been the last time the two of them had just talked? She couldn’t remember. It seemed that someone else was always interfering. 

 

“Truth or dare?”

 

“You let me off easy, right?”

 

“We’ll see. Maybe.”

 

“Okay, let’s try the truth then.”

 

Melissa thought carefully what she wanted to ask. Something that would convey to Nathan her thoughts - how they had been friends for so long, and hopefully would always remain so. “What did you think of me, when you saw me for the first time? Tell the truth!”

 

Nathan laughed. “I thought that you had funny pigtails and a wicked tricycle I really wanted to ride.”

 

“Yeah, so much that you pushed me off of it, when I didn’t let you ride it.”

 

“Hey, all is fair in love and war and with really cool…vehicles.” 

 

Melissa smiled. Nathan had gotten her meaning loud and clear. Next to her, Jackson chuckled, “Don’t tell me he got away with it?”

 

“Oh no. There was some name-calling and shoving, and pretty soon Nate here was shouting for his mom.” Needless to say, it hadn’t exactly been an ideal start for their friendship. 

 

“You were a mean, mean little girl.“ But there was a glint in Nathan’s eyes, when he said it, and Melissa knew he was thinking what had happened after the incident. Her mom had marched her right back to Nathan, and they had both made their apologies. Nathan had confessed that he liked her bike and she had generously promised to let him ride it. Luckily the animosity had quickly turned into them taking a liking to each other. Kids forgave and forgot easily - too bad it wasn’t same for teenagers.

 

“Enough of the memory lane, spin!” Eric was eager for the game to continue; the current topic held no interest for him. 

 

Nathan grabbed the bottle and spun it rather sluggishly around. The bottle whirled a few times, until its speed slowed down and it pointed torturously from Jackson to Melissa - _move, don’t stop!_ \- to Nathan and around again, until it stopped pointing at Jackson.

 

As with other times, Jackson chose the truth instead of the dare. 

 

Oddly enough, Nathan seemed hesitant, eyes darting from Melissa to Daley as he bit his lip. Just when Eric was opening his mouth for some remark, no doubt offensive, Nathan spat out his question, “What crimes do you have on your criminal record?”

 

For a small moment, Melissa thought that she must have heard him wrong. Why would Nathan ask such a personal, uncomfortable question that could only bring misery and bad memories to Jackson? Hadn’t they settled their differences before? Weren’t they friends now? 

 

“Way to go Nathan! That’s the spirit!” Eric cackled, obviously delighted. 

 

Melissa felt anger for both of them - Eric _and_ Nathan - for putting Jackson into a hard position. He was sitting as nailed to the spot, immobile, face white and drawn. _This has to end now._ They couldn’t force anyone to reveal things like this - it should be out of their own volition, not from group pressure. 

 

“That’s - that’s an unfair question. You don’t have to answer that Jackson.” She tried to look him in the eye, to reassure him that none of it mattered, wouldn’t ever matter to her, but he was staring at the bottle, and didn’t see her or anybody else.

 

“There’s nothing unfair in it! We live with him and we have a right to know!” Eric voiced his opinion loudly, and although Nathan was currently also busy staring at the bottle, Melissa noticed the small twitch on his face. Ironically, it was her long friendship with him that helped her depict Nathan’s expression; he was guilty and sorry, but also thought that Eric was right. Melissa groaned with frustration and rage. _For crying out loud! If this is again some misguided attempt to protect us I am going to knock some sense into him myself!_ But first she had to make Eric shut up. 

 

“That’s bull - you’re just making excuses - God, you’re the worst gossiper I’ve ever met! And we don’t have the right to know anything. It’s not our business. Right Daley?” Melissa appealed to Daley, who looked doubtful. 

 

“I…we are not forcing anyone to do anything…” But her voice lacked conviction and will. 

 

“What about you Taylor? Are these kinds of questions okay with you?” Melissa knew that Taylor couldn’t side with Eric in this case - not if she wanted to stay in Jackson’s good graces. 

 

“No, I think Nathan went too far this time.” Taylor addressed her words to Jackson, but he was still silent, and not looking anybody in the eye. 

 

“For fucks sake! Are we playing or not? Jackson, are you going to answer the truth you chose, or are you backing down and going back to sleep with Lex? I think it might be past your bedtime.” Eric taunted and made a move towards taking the bottle. He was stopped by Jackson grabbing his wrist in a bruising grip. “It’s not your turn.”

 

“You’re answering then?”

 

Jackson let go of Eric’s hand, and turned his expressionless eyes to Nathan, “What was the question again?” No one thought for a second that he had actually forgotten what had been asked. 

 

Nathan cleared his throat, “What crimes you have on your criminal record? You said two so…what are they?”

 

“I have been charged with two misdemeanours; trespass and vandalism.”

 

“Why? What happened?” It was Taylor, who was quick to voice all of their thoughts. 

 

Jackson snorted, “Let’s leave something for the next round. I’m sure you’ll have your chance to grill me later.”

 

Melissa’s thoughts were swirling. _Trespass and vandalism? That doesn’t sound so serious…He probably wanted to show of to his friends…they egged him on…_ Of course, those were just the things Jackson had been caught doing. Had he done something that he had gotten away with? And did it matter? _No, it doesn’t._ But maybe - _it doesn’t_ \- maybe it did after all. 

 

Melissa felt miserable for starting to doubt Jackson, furious that the others - she herself - just couldn’t let the matter be. Meanwhile, the object of her agonizing took hold of the bottle and spun it around. With some mad skill or shear luck, the bottle ended up pointing at Eric. Melissa cheered in her mind: it was justice. No matter that Nathan had asked the question; Eric had brought up the subject in the first place. 

 

“Truth or dare? And choose wisely _man_.” Jackson was smirking.

 

Eric looked vaguely uneasy, no doubt trying to pick the lesser of two evils. “Let’s get some dares into the game.”

 

“Run around the camp ten times - naked.”

 

Melissa’s jaw dropped the same time as Eric’s. It was - it was horribly brilliant. Eric was already on the defensive, scrambling to talk himself out of the dare, “This is - I don’t think I should be subjected to-”

 

“What’s the matter - you backing down?” Jackson’s voice was steely. “This too much for you?”

 

“Now wait a minute-”

 

“Yeah, I thought it might be your bedtime.”

 

“Fine! I’ll do it!” Eric jumped to his feet and stomped behind the tent, the night and the canvas hiding him from view. Moment later various dark shapes - pieces of clothing - were thrown from behind the tent. 

 

“Oh, this is nasty.” Daley’s words were full of glee. 

 

“Yeah, almost poetic justice.” Nathan sounded both horrified and pleased. 

 

“Here I come!” It was all the warning they got. Melissa lowered her eyes to the ground just in time, determined not to watch - her cheeks were already burning just from the thought of Eric running like a loony with his privates hanging around. And from the sound of others, it wasn’t a pretty sight.

 

“Oh God, I’m traumatized for life!” Taylor groaned, and Melissa couldn’t help but agree.


	6. Where things heat up

\----

 

Melissa’s face was still burning after Eric had finished his laps around the camp and had managed to put his clothes back on. She hadn’t believed her eyes - well, her ears, for she certainly hadn’t watched - when Eric hadn’t backed out of Jackson’s dare, but had taken his clothes off and had run around the camp ten times, while others were watching - or in Melissa’s case, _not_ watching. If she had for a small second caught sight of a pale buttock, it had been completely accidentally. God, Eric was a complete lunatic!

 

“Oh my god, you are such a lunatic!” Taylor was giggling, when Eric strutted back to their circle by the fire. It was hard to see the colour on his face properly in the darkness, but Melissa thought she saw a fair amount of red, although she couldn’t hear any embarrassment in his voice.

 

“You liked it? Fine packaging like mine, you really should be paying to see it,” Eric smirked and gave an exaggerated wink. 

 

“Oh please, I would pay not to see that ever again,” Daley snorted.

 

“Yeah, no one should be subjected to a naked McGorrill.” Nathan’s grin reflected the sudden good mood that had come over the small group. Eric’s streaking had left others laughing and groaning in mock horror. They had finally found the fun part of the game, the humour and teasing without (too much) cruelty. Even Eric was grinning and didn’t seem to be too upset over the dare. Melissa felt her bleak mood lifting. Maybe they could have a good time with each other after all. 

 

“You’re just jealous of this fine, toned body.” Eric sat down and reached for the bottle. 

 

Nathan gave a laugh, “Right. Don’t get lost in your self-delusions.”

 

“Well, let’s see what kind of competition I have for the finest body of this miserable sandpit. And the next contestant is…” Eric spun the bottle with force and six pairs of eyes followed its rapid spinning. Finally it came to a stop pointing at Daley, who didn’t look too pleased about the outcome. 

 

“Dare?” Eric suggested mischievously. 

 

“No!” Daley was quick to answer. She obviously feared that Eric would have her doing the same task he had just done. Melissa thought it a reasonable fear; anyone with any amount of self-preservation would heed the gleam in Eric’s eyes. 

 

“Truth then. Are you certain?”

 

“Yes.” But Daley looked anything but certain. 

 

“Sure you can handle it?” Eric’s voice was taunting. He was obviously enjoying the situation, and Melissa got a sudden bad feeling about the whole thing. Whatever he was going to ask would most certainly be a cause for mortification. 

 

Daley squared her shoulders, “Just ask.” 

 

“Okay, your wish is my command. So, to which base have you gotten and with whom?”

 

Silence. Melissa felt herself blushing - again. She wasn’t the only one though. Daley was scarlet. Only Eric would have the nerve to ask that question. Daley really had fallen straight for it. 

 

“Oh come on! That’s totally out of line!” Nathan was quick to come to the rescue. 

 

“Oh yeah? And me streaking around the camp wasn’t?” Eric sounded irritated. “Look Daley, are you going to answer or not? Do you want to back down and quit the game?”

 

Melissa held her breath. It could go either way - Daley could answer or she could stop playing. However, Eric’s face was challenging, and Melissa knew Daley had a hard time of backing out of anything. Especially if it would mean that Eric would “win”. It was like a warped game of Chicken, just without the cars and the possible death by crashing. _Although death might not be so far, if their expressions are anything to go by._

 

“I’ll answer.” Daley was tense but determined. “Second base with Billy Moore. That’s all you get.”

 

Melissa was thunderstruck. What? When? Daley’s answer came as a complete surprise to Melissa, and apparently to Nathan also, if his sour face was any indication. _Billy Moore? Really? Daley hadn’t even been but on a few dates with him!_

 

“Second base - seriously?” Eric was as surprised as the rest of them. “I kind of thought that you’re a prude - no offence. But it seems you can enjoy life…”

 

Melissa felt a little bit hurt. Daley had never told her anything about - about that. Whatever had happened with Billy Moore. She couldn’t help but wonder why. Didn’t Daley trust her? Or did she think that Melissa was too inexperienced to be part of that talk? 

 

“Shut up Eric.”

 

And she was. Inexperienced. In light of Daley’s revelation, Melissa’s own answer to the kissing question seemed even more pathetic. She had never even kissed properly anyone. 

 

“What crawled into your pants? Oh wait, I know-”

 

Melissa felt herself incredibly stupid and young. At the same time she was furious; why should she feel this way, feel _miserable_ , just because she had not done what others had? It wasn’t a competition. Still, at this rate Melissa was definitely going to lose. 

 

“Eric-”

 

“You’re just riled up because you haven’t gotten _there_ with Daley.”

 

And maybe she would never kiss anyone or do…other stuff. She was stuck on this island and every day it became less likely that someone would find them. Rescue them. She would die before she would have a chance to date, to have a boyfriend, to be in love - with someone who loved her back. 

 

“That’s enough!” Daley’s furious shout snapped Melissa out of her own thoughts with a start. Eric and Nathan stopped their argument, but continued to stare at each other - Nathan angrily and Eric smirking. Daley spun the bottle quickly, before the pair could resume their squabble. Lady Luck decided to spare Melissa once again and gave Taylor the turn to answer.

 

“I want the question!” Taylor announced before Daley had the chance to open her mouth. Taylor didn’t look a bit nervous; she was ready and eager to answer whatever Daley decided to ask. _She’s probably right at home with the current topic._ Melissa winced at her nasty thoughts. 

 

“Which one of the following would you have sex with, if you had to? Bill Clinton, Donald Trump or Mr. Jessup?” Evidently Eric streaking had let loose something in the other players. Even Daley had continued the new theme of the evening.

 

“Yuck! They‘re all old!” Taylor exclaimed and wrinkled her forehead. “I don’t know… Trump’s rich but has that really yucky hair…” She seemed to be considering her answer carefully. 

 

“Come on, it’s not rocket science!” Eric remarked wryly. 

 

“Jessup then, at least he isn’t married.” Taylor had chosen their small, mousy math teacher. He was nice enough, but as Taylor had already pointed out - old. Not to mention the _math teacher!_ part. Melissa tried to banish the image of Mr. Jessup and Taylor doing the horizontal tango. Yuck indeed. 

 

“Really? I didn’t think that holy matrimony would stop you.” Daley’s snide comment was anything but funny. Even Daley herself seemed to realize it, and she looked as she was already regretting her words.

 

Taylor pursed her lips. “And yet, apparently I’m not the one who lets some older guy feel her up on a first date-” 

 

“Girls!” Jackson cut short the impending explosion, and just in time. Daley was red as a beet. “Let’s just continue, okay?” Melissa was resigned. So much for them having a good time together. 

 

Taylor gave the bottle a twist and couldn’t contain her pleased expression, when it ended up pointing at Jackson. She smiled broadly. “Truth or dare?”

 

As usual, Jackson chose the truth. Melissa’s heart lurched. Would Taylor ask about Jackson’s misdemeanours? What would he answer? And did Melissa really want to know the story behind his criminal record through a game? Maybe he would prefer it this way; maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward and difficult, when they would soon have to move on with the game. Melissa watched with growing suspension as Taylor licked her lips and prepared to ask her question. 

 

“Who starred in your latest wet dream?”

 

Melissa was shocked at Taylor’s boldness. She was also extremely uncomfortable. What on earth did Taylor think to accomplish with a question like that? Melissa studied Jackson’s face closely. He didn’t seem flustered or puzzled. His face was impassive, until he suddenly grinned. 

 

Jackson directed his smile at Taylor. “You.” 

 

It was just a small word, and yet it was like a slap to the face. It left Melissa reeling. For a moment she thought that she had heard it wrong, and her ears were playing tricks on her. But Taylor’s delighted laugh mocked her. 

 

Melissa was cold. The fire didn’t warm her anymore, and she shuddered. The laughter and chitchat around her seemed to grew more distant, fall into the darkness surrounding her. It was like she was suddenly underwater. All her senses were muted; her eyes gathered nothing but a murky haze, her ears caught just a faint murmur. The world dissolved into nothingness. 

 

She didn’t want to play anymore. She wanted to go home.


	7. Where someone totally goes round the bend

\----

 

Melissa didn’t know how long she was under the wave that muted the world and left her feeling disconnected and cold. Time ticked by without her, fast and endlessly, but when she came to, colours and sounds rushing back, only a few minutes had passed. 

 

Evidently Jackson had finished flirting and had spun the bottle, and Nathan was next in line to get gutted. He had stupidly chosen the truth and was looking rather nervous. Melissa couldn’t feel much sympathy towards him. No one was forcing them to spin the bottle. Nathan could leave the game. _She_ could leave the game. Why didn’t she?

 

“What is the worst thing you have ever done?” Jackson’s voice was demanding. Intense. He hadn’t forgiven Nathan for asking the question about his criminal record. He wanted to dig up some dirt. 

 

“What do you mean?” Nathan looked uncomfortable. 

 

“The worst thing you have ever done. Played truant? Drank your dad’s liquor? Lied? Come on - nobody can be good all the time.”

 

No, Melissa knew that no one could be good all the time. People lied and cheated and they led you on. Did one love them in spite of that, or because of that? 

 

Nathan stared at the fire, his eyes fixed on the flames. Melissa was surprised to see that his posture mirrored hers; arms around knees that were drawn tight against the chest. _He must be cold too._ Melissa could detect a small tremble in Nathan’s low voice, when he spoke, “I fought with my dad before - before we left to Palau. I said I hated him.”

 

Melissa wanted to say that it wasn’t the worst thing he had ever done, and that he would get to apologize to his dad and tell him how he hadn’t meant it. How his dad had already forgiven him thousand times. She couldn’t though. Her lips were numb and there was a lump lodged tight in her throat. Others seemed to be tongue-tied as well. Heavy silence fell over them. _Why do we spill our secrets when it would be so much easier to lie?_

 

“That was - okay, so we have established that Nathan is a regular boy scout, can we continue the game now?” There was no bite in Eric’s words, just a desperate need to move to a safer topic, away from the gaping wound that a touch to a raw nerve had left in its wake. 

 

“Eric, don’t-” But Daley fell silent as Nathan grabbed the bottle and spun it around. Melissa was strangely resigned, when the bottle ended up pointing towards her. Resigned and almost detached. Her heart beat a little faster, but it didn’t mean anything. Her heart always beat faster, when Jackson was looking at her. 

 

“Truth or dare?” Nathan didn’t seem to be that thrilled to be the one asking. _Why doesn’t he leave the game? Why am I still here?_ It was a little hurtful, a little shameful, to realise she still cared so much about what others thought of her. How they would see her, if she were to leave the game. 

 

“Truth.” Her heart was a heavy stone in her chest, thudding against the ribcage. Melissa could feel Nathan’s gaze on her, but she didn’t meet it. She stared at the sand by her feet and had a sudden urge to draw something on it with her finger. Her initials. _Pointless. It will be gone come morning._

 

“Okay, uh…What is your greatest fear?”

 

What did she fear? Back at home, Melissa had been afraid of the dark. She had detested spiders, and sometimes she had seen dreams, where spiders were scurrying out of the darkness, straight towards her. But, as with everything else, also this had changed, had become different. Even now, she wouldn’t voluntarily touch a spider, but the old fear seemed here so childish, laughable. 

 

“Come on Mel, what are you afraid of? Can’t be too difficult to think of something.”

 

No, when she let herself really, truly think about it, it wasn’t that difficult at all. She was afraid that the next storm would rip their camp to pieces and leave them without shelter. That one day they would run out of food and get sick and die, or the others would die and she would be left alone. That Jackson would never like her back, not the way she wanted, that she would never be kissed again, properly, never loved, that her mom and dad would forget her and go on with their lives, that the others would notice that there was something wrong with her, all the time. That she would never again sleep like she used to sleep back home, in her own bed, blissfully, peacefully, resting in the knowledge that all was right in her world and in the morning there would be another day. In short: Melissa was afraid of everything.

 

Everything, and one thing above all. “We are never going to get out of here.” Melissa heard the words come out of her mouth. She couldn’t stop them; didn’t want to stop them. It was the truth. At that moment, it seemed the truest thing of all. 

 

Silence. Then a jumble of voices, not filling the void but widening it further. 

 

“That wasn’t a proper answer.”

 

“Melissa-”

 

“Was that your answer? Or was that just some random, morbid statement?”

 

“Mel, are you alright?”

 

“You don‘t have to-”

 

“Was that the answer?”

 

“Let’s just continue the game!”

 

“I just want to know-”

 

“Shut your trap!” Jackson’s shout finally rendered all of them quiet. “Let Mel explain, if she wants to, otherwise let it go.” Either way, she didn’t care. They could yell themselves hoarse, rip each other to pieces, dissect her to atoms. 

 

“Mel?” Nathan’s tone was careful, like the merest sound of his voice would shatter her, burst her into thousands of tiny grains, lost in the sand. 

 

“It’s the truth.” He had asked the truth and she had given it. What was there to explain?

 

“Don’t say that.” Daley clenched her fists. “You don’t know that.” 

 

“We have to stay positive, we’ll be rescued.” Nathan had repeated the same mantra over and over again, but this time he didn’t sound like he believed his own words. 

 

“I _so_ don’t want to dwell on _this_ now. Let’s just continue the game.” Taylor fidgeted in her place, seemingly uncomfortable and frustrated by the turn of events. 

 

“I you don’t want to hear it, then you shouldn’t ask for it.” Melissa was getting annoyed. They all just wanted to brush aside her answer, the topic they should be really talking about, instead of silly games and criminal records and sexual exploits. No one ever heard her. They asked her opinion just to assert and bolster their own minds. _And when they need my vote._

 

“It’s been a long day, you’re just tired.” Daley avoided Melissa’s eyes. “Maybe you should go to bed.” 

 

“I would if I could, but the nearest _bed_ \- not to mention my own bed - is quite a way from here.” Suddenly nothing was more irritating that Daley‘s attempts to baby her. Melissa was not in the mood to be mollified. “I can’t say exactly where though, since we don’t know where the hell we are.” Daley tensed visibly, and Melissa was viciously glad about it. She wasn’t some rag doll that could be thrown about, trusted to keep her mouth shut. Not anymore. 

 

“Melissa - let’s not talk about it now.” Nathan’s soothing tone of voice went amiss. “It’s not a good idea. It’s late and we are all tired.”

 

“I’m not tired!” Melissa was far from tired. She was wide awake - for the first time in her life it seemed. 

 

“Okay, you’re not tired. Great. So play if you want, if not, then leave and do whatever it is that rocks your socks off, but _please_ , can we continue the freaking game now?” Eric’s restless hands were reaching for the bottle. 

 

“You’re not finished with trying to humiliate people? What a shocker.” Vaguely, Melissa was aware that her hands were shaking. Blood was rushing in her ears, but nothing could stop her from speaking now. 

 

“Hey, if you can’t take it, you shouldn’t ask for it. Right?” An obnoxious smirk spread to Eric’s face, and Melissa felt a sudden violent urge to rip the smile, every strand of his hair away, make his skin bloody and bleeding. Bastard. 

 

“You know, do you really believe that sarcastic, I-don’t-care-about-anything-attitude is fooling anyone? That we can’t see what you truly are; a sad, pathetic, lonely bastard? At this rate, no one is going to give a damn about you. I certainly won‘t!” Melissa found herself standing, her finger jabbing accusingly at Eric, who had also jumped to his feet. Others were hurriedly standing up, stepping between them, for some reason looking rather alarmed. 

 

“I…” Eric was taken aback, lost for words. Melissa wasn’t interested in anything he had to say anyway. 

 

“Mel, calm down.” Nathan sounded anxious. _Whatever for? I am quite calm._ A small, hysteric burst of laughter escaped her.

 

“Okay - someone has totally gone round the bend.” Taylor just had to insert her own opinion, and Melissa turned to face the other girl, determined to speak her mind. 

 

“Why do you even open your mouth, since you don’t want to _dwell_ on this? You’re always turning up your nose at everything, meddling in other people’s affairs. Just stop already.” 

 

“Oh please, you don’t have any interesting affairs to meddle with.”

 

“You always have to take everything - you’re a selfish, heartless bitch, and I-”

 

“Melissa!” Jackson’s shocked voice got her full attention. He looked at her as if he was seeing her for the very first time. Melissa’s eyes were burning. _He has never really seen me._ Jackson waited until she looked at him, then said with a firm tone, “That’s enough. Calm down.” 

 

“Don’t you tell me to do anything, you don’t have the right. And why don’t you make your fucking mind already? I’m tired of trying to read your mind.” The words were pouring out of her, uncontrollable, fast, exploding with the weight of all her pent-up emotions. “Although - don’t bother on my sake. I’m so done with you!”

 

“Mel-”

 

“I’m done with all of you! Here you are playing _games_ , tearing each other to pieces, when none of it matters! None-” Her shrill voice cracked. She swallowed, then continued with smaller volume but equal fervour. “I’m so sick of this. We are not going to be rescued - we are going to die here. And if _this_ is all there is, then the sooner the better.” 

 

“Melissa, listen-”

 

She didn’t want to listen. And for once, she had said all she wanted to say. Only one thing remained to do, and she had waited long enough to do it. 

 

“I’m not playing anymore.” She turned away from the fire, away from the others, and started walking into the darkness.


	8. Where Melissa is alone

\----

 

Melissa walked until the glow of the campfire was just a distant dot of light behind her back. She walked in almost near darkness, just the silvery moonlight lightening her path, and it didn’t escape her notice that back at home she would have been afraid of this darkness. But not here. There were worse things on this island to fear than what lurked in the dark. There were no bogeymen, just other people. 

 

The wind was whispering in the trees, raising goose bumps on her bare skin. Melissa had left her sweatshirt behind, but there was no way - _no way in hell_ \- she was going back to get it. She needed to be alone. She needed some time to think, to stop spiraling downwards. Her stomach had lurched all evening, and now Melissa recognized it as the same feeling she had felt, when the plane had shaken violently as it had hit the turbulence. She was still falling. 

 

The murmur of the sea became louder, more distinct, and Melissa found herself standing on the beach. She walked closer, until she could see the ripple of the moving water, slithering in the pale moonlight. It was then that she realised that her hands were still shaking and her cheeks were damp with salty water.

 

How pathetic was she to cry now, when it was all over? When she had spoken her mind, said those truths (those horrible things) and had finally walked away from the game. It was far too late to feel remorse or to care about what others though of her. It was far too late to _care._

 

Melissa felt shaken, like her roots had been ripped violently from the ground and she had been cast away. And she really _was_ a castaway, stranded alone. For the first time she acknowledged that her outward predicament matched perfectly her inner feelings - and wasn’t that ironic. 

 

Did she feel at least a little bit lighter, better, now that she had exploded so spectacularly? She had finally asserted herself, and wasn’t that a cause for celebration? Sixteen years of being a good girl and a good friend, and now what was she? And did she had any right to bring more antagonism upon them? Wasn’t there enough arguments and name-calling already?

 

But she had been slowly suffocating, stifling from the silence that had been put upon her - that she had put upon herself - desperate to be really seen and heard. Miserable in her invisibility, growing more bitter and resentful as the way she was spinning out of control was studiously ignored and passed over in silence. 

 

What relief there was from her sudden breakdown, mad and cutting, it was like a poison being slowly drawn out from a wound that had been festering so long the hurt had became ordinary, a part of her being. It left her weak and shaky, and in tears, but Melissa knew (had known all along) its necessity.

 

The guilt was still there, relishing in her words - _I’m done with all of you!_ \- , as always, finding faults in what she did, what she was, but there was also a glimmer of joy, of vicious satisfaction. She had really, truly, done it. Nobody could take it back now. She would undoubtedly apologize, feel the sharp edges of her guilty conscience, but she - and probably they - would always remember what had happened. And instead of mortification, it was strangely liberating. 

 

Melissa sat down, the cool sand like silk beneath her. She rubbed her eyes, felt them prickle. Her chest heaved with laborious breaths, and her nose was running. Irritably she wiped the snot away with the sleeve of her t-shirt. All the rationalizing she did, categorizing and recognizing her feelings, sorting them out, and to her dismay she was still crying like a little girl. 

 

She hoped that the others wouldn’t come looking for her. She didn’t want to see them - didn’t want them to see her. Although she had believed that someone would have come to her by now. But it didn’t matter, because she didn’t want anyone to find her. Even if it stung a little that no one had come. They were probably still shell-shocked over her outburst, bewildered and at a loss of what to do. Maybe they were angry at her and didn’t want anything to do with her. All of them - and Lex…

 

God, she hoped that Lex had not heard anything she had said. He was the innocent caught in all this mess, and just the thought of him hearing all those things…Melissa had never wanted to hurt him. Never wanted to make Lex scared or confused. Never wanted him to see her being something less than he expected. She hadn’t wanted to take his hope away, to shatter his childish belief that someone would eventually come for them. 

 

_We are not going to be rescued._

 

The thought had been like a slow fever, burning underneath her skin for many days. It was hard to tell exactly when she had first voiced it inside her mind, perhaps it had always been there, from the very first day. It had shimmered quietly for a while, but the burn had licked at her insides until it could no longer be ignored. And if rescue didn’t come, then they would die here. It was only logical. Surely they could see that?

 

What Melissa couldn’t understand was how the others seemed so unaffected by their less than stellar life expectancy. How could they continue to play games, to bitch and moan about things that didn’t matter? How could they be so petty as to cause more trouble and heartache, when their time was running out? Were they so deep in denial that they couldn’t see how unlikely it was that someone would find them after all this time? That they honestly thought they could all survive here interminably? 

 

She had wanted them to acknowledge their horrible situation. Wanted them to say that they were burning with the same fever, so she needn’t to be so alone. 

 

“Mel?” She was startled by the sound of her own name as the voice pierced the darkness, momentarily drowned out the sounds of the night. She had not heard him coming.

 

“Mel?” Nathan sounded oddly tender. Melissa could feel him standing behind her, waiting for her to say something. 

 

“Leave me alone.” As the words left her mouth, she realised all those feelings that had been choking her at the campsite were still there - and she couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ , say anything more. 

 

“At least come back to camp for the night. Everyone’s already gone to bed.”

 

Tears were once again prickling in her eyes, and Melissa was glad of the cover of darkness. She continued to stare stubbornly at the sea, at the slowly writhing mass of water. Nathan exhaled loudly, but didn’t say anything. She heard him turn around and walk away. She could hear his soft footsteps on the sand now that she knew what to listen. 

 

She wanted to stay on the beach, and she wanted to go back. It was peaceful, this close to the sea, but the moon did not warm her. She wanted to be alone. She could continue to be alone where she currently was, or she could be alone back at camp. In the end, it didn’t really matter where she was. 

 

Melissa waited for awhile, giving Nathan plenty of time to get back and settle down to sleep. Then she stood up stiffly, shuddering from the cold, and looked up for a long moment before walking back to camp. 

 

The stars were incredibly bright, silvery diamonds. Hundreds of them, looking down at their own reflections, gently swaying on the surface of the sea. 

 

And still, none of it mattered.


	9. Where there is an awkward morning after

\----

 

The morning after the game was beautiful. The mornings were always beautiful, when weather was on its best behavior. Sun had just begun its climb to the top of the sky. The warm sand, the bright blue sea, the brilliant greenness of the jungle - they were living in a paradise. Or at least they would have been, if they weren’t stranded, scared and so very awkward. Melissa had expected the tenseness, the long uncomfortable silences, but they still weighted down on her. The tension could have cut glass. 

 

Melissa had woken with a heaviness, like there was something leaden inside of her. Almost instantly, she had remembered everything that had happened the night before, and the familiar feelings of shame, anger and fear came fresh to her mind, threatening to choke her. She had let them run rampant for awhile, eyes tightly closed, trying to pretend to be still asleep. Melissa hadn’t wanted to get up, hadn’t wanted to face the others, not after her mortifying breakdown. But it could not be helped. She couldn’t lie there forever, and after reigning in her dark feelings with a moderate success, and after giving herself a small pep talk - _You can do it! Just get it over with!_ \- she had risen to meet her doom with a weary sigh. 

 

The weariness hadn’t disappeared with her fitful sleep, but clung to her still with a smothering pressure. The morning air was crisp and slightly cool, but she could practically feel how the oppressive heat started to sneak in. It was going to be a hot day. 

 

They were all up, ready to face the day. Not a word had been uttered about what had happened last night. It could have been like any other day on the island, except that Melissa’s words hung heavily upon them all. They couldn’t cover her breakdown with their denial, wish it away, act like it hadn’t happened. 

 

Since getting up from her sleeping place, Melissa had been waiting for some kind of incident, talking-to, intervention. A soft “good morning” from Daley certainly wasn’t it, nor did Lex’s cautious smile or Nathan’s careful politeness meet her expectations of angry words or looks. Even the other three, whom she had hurt the most, didn’t seem to want to rip her to shreds. Jackson was fidgety and silent, but at least didn’t outwardly seem to hate her. Eric and Taylor were wary of her, refused to meet her eyes, but otherwise they seemed normal, albeit a little quieter.

 

Clearly they had held some sort of emergency meeting last night regarding her behavior, and now they were treating her like she was mere glass about to break. Melissa didn’t know whether to be touched or furious. 

 

Melissa ate her breakfast in silence, wanting to be anywhere else than where she currently was. Daley had started to talk about the weather and Nathan joined her, both of them trying to normalize the situation by breaking down the silence with trivial chatter. It was a half-hearted attempt and only highlighted the tense atmosphere. Jackson was the first to leave the camp to gather firewood, and Taylor and Eric followed him quickly. Soon after that, Daley gave a meaningful look to Nathan and led Lex away from the camp, leaving Melissa alone with her oldest friend. 

 

It was clear that Melissa was going to get the intervention she had been expecting. She wanted to groan and laugh at the same time, felt a sharp urge to just leave, but knew that she couldn’t avoid talking about _it_ forever. Better to get it over with.

 

“So…are you feeling better today?” Nathan sounded concerned, and she immediately felt bad for making him worry. Then she was irritated; he sounded like she had had some kind of nervous breakdown, _an incident_ , and alright, she had, but his words implied that she should be better now, that all of it had been just – just hysterics, something without reason or basis.

 

“Not really.” She had told the truth last night, among other things, and there was no reason she should stop being truthful now.

 

Nathan seemed hesitant, as if he didn’t know how to continue the talk. Melissa waited for him to start to assure her that they were going to get rescued, that her fears were unfounded, and that it wouldn’t do to be so pessimistic – but he surprised her.

 

“I’m so sorry Mel.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I haven’t noticed that you – I haven’t listened to you. You must have felt so alone here, thinking that we…that we’re going to die here and that we don’t care.”

 

The stupid lump was back in her throat, and it was hard to swallow, let alone to answer. So she just nodded and kept her eyes on the ground.

 

“But you can always talk to me, you know that right? And I’m not going to say that what you think is stupid or something…and I know I’m not very good at this, but I promise that I will listen and you can say anything to me.”

 

Melissa nodded and hastily wiped her eyes dry. She wished that he would leave, for she was already mortified enough, and she didn’t know if she could keep it together much longer, and God, if she bawled in front of him she couldn’t – 

 

“Mel, it’s okay, you don’t have to…” He sounded alarmed, and she realized that her chest was heaving fast, her whole frame shuddering. What was the matter with her? Why couldn’t she control herself anymore?

 

“I’m sorry…” She croaked, ready to spring to her feet and run far away from him, from everyone. 

 

“It’s okay.” Suddenly he was on his knees beside her, putting his arms around her, and really, that was more than she could bear, and it didn’t matter that he didn’t fully understand, it was enough that he was trying. 

 

“You don’t have to be alone. You can say anything to me, anything at all. It’s okay.”

 

She let all her fears flow out with her tears.

 

\----

 

She knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. Although there had been truth in her words, there had also been malice and hate. Some things she shouldn’t have said, and she owned them her apologies. She had to say how sorry she was. 

 

All afternoon, Melissa had searched for a good opportunity to approach Eric and Taylor, but in those rare moments, when the two didn’t escape her presence, she chickened öut and didn’t get a word out of her mouth. A few simple words were proving to be unbelievably hard to say. And it wasn’t just the act of saying sorry that had made her so edgy. It was also the reactions she imagined the two having. How they would turn their backs at her, how they would tell her off (and rightly so). 

 

The apologies had to be said not only because she had done them wrong, but also because she needed to assuage her own guilt; she felt wretched. She had never been that mean to everyone in her whole life. Melissa didn’t want to be someone who let others walk all over her, who didn’t speak up her mind, but it didn’t mean she had to be vicious and thoughtless while being true to herself. 

 

Her talk with Nathan had done a lot to ease her mind. He hadn’t judged her, but had listened to all she had to say, not pressing her further, when she simply couldn’t continue. It had been like something had finally erupted inside of her, and now, for the first time in awhile – perhaps even longer than their stay on the island – she felt calm. Nowhere near happy or accepting of their current situation, but somehow more grounded. Melissa couldn’t really explain it. All she knew was that the choking fear, the horrible anger had dissipated. She knew better than to think that those feelings were now miraculously gone, but they didn’t affect her self-control anymore, didn’t whip her into a panic. 

 

Nathan had assured her that they all understood her breakdown and didn’t harbor any hard feelings towards her. And it really seemed that Daley, Lex and Nathan didn’t blame her, didn’t hold any grudges. Melissa was grateful and relieved. However, it only highlighted how tense her relations were with the other three occupants of the island. She couldn’t blame them – the things she had said…

 

She really couldn’t put it off any longer, for the crux of the matter was: she had said those hurtful things, so she damn well could say a simple apology as well. 

 

Nervous and anxious, heart thudding heavily in her chest, she followed Eric and Taylor to the beach. Although they heard her coming, they didn’t turn to face her. They continued to walk as if Melissa wasn’t there at all. She knew that she had to be the one to make the effort, to reach out. 

 

“Eric!...Taylor, wait!” Melissa hastened her steps, trying to catch up with them. The pair quickened their pace, obviously wanting nothing to do with her. 

 

“Please, just wait!” She stumbled in the heavy sand, almost toppling over. 

 

“What do you want?” Taylor suddenly spun around.

 

“I just – I want to say how sorry I am.” Melissa forced herself to look Taylor in the eyes. “For what I said. I went too far.”

 

Eric had also stopped and stood behind Taylor, looking like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to be as far away from the two girls as possible, or if he really didn’t want to miss whatever was about to happen. 

 

“Eric – you’re not…what I said – you have never been so mean to anyone as I was to you.” Melissa was flustered. She could hear the words vividly in her head – _sad pathetic lonely bastard_ – and was ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah, well…” Eric was oddly short of words. He avoided Melissa’s gaze, and shrugged his shoulders. “It happens. No big deal.” 

 

Melissa didn’t believe a word he said, and berating herself harshly – _How could I be so horrible to him? He’ll never forgive me..._ – she was ready to repeat how awfully sorry she was, when Eric finally met her eyes. 

 

“Really, don’t sweat on it.” He gave his customary grin, and although it wasn’t as wide as usually, Melissa’s heart (and guilt) felt a little lighter.

 

“I’ll go and…do something. Don’t kill each other.” Eric started to walk away, leaving a nervous but hopeful Melissa with Taylor. She knew Taylor wouldn’t forgive her so easily, not without giving her a piece of her mind.

 

“I’m sorry.” Melissa couldn’t explain last night, couldn’t offer any excuses or reasons. She could only be sincerely sorry and hope it would be enough.

 

“Really? You seemed pretty certain of what you said yesterday.”

 

She had been certain - and she still was. She had told the truth, she had spoken what she had felt, and she wasn’t sorry for that. She was only sorry that she had hurt others, had _wanted_ to hurt others. But she couldn’t say that to Taylor. 

 

“Yeah well…I was – I shouldn’t have called you names.”

 

“You called me a selfish, heartless bitch.” 

 

“I don’t think you’re heartless.” Melissa wanted to take her words back the moment she said them.

 

“But I’m a selfish bitch?” A small smile spread to Taylor’s face. She looked amused – and a little sad. Melissa was utterly confused. That was certainly not the reaction she had been expecting. 

 

“I know we haven’t gotten along so great lately –”

 

“The understatement of the year.” Taylor snorted. 

 

“But I really hope that it’ll change. Now that – I’m not going to compete with you. It doesn’t matter if you and Jackson are… I mean – ” Melissa stammered helplessly. 

 

“Look, Melissa. This is totally unnecessary. I get it – I really do. You spoke your mind and that’s fine. I do it all the time.”

 

“But I – ”

 

“And we don’t have to be friends. We are not going to be here that much longer anyway, and it’s not as if we’ll ever hang out together back home. Or even talk to each other.”

 

“All the more reason to try now.”

 

Taylor looked at her for a long moment. Melissa saw the rejection in Taylor’s smile before she heard it in her words. “Nah, water and oil and all that.” She turned to go, and Melissa didn’t stop her. 

 

Nothing had gone the way she had planned or expected. Somehow Taylor’s reaction was worse than any shouting, hurting words would have been. 

 

Melissa didn’t know if she would ever be forgiven, but she was certain her words – said in the heat of the moment – would never be forgotten.


	10. Where something ends

\----

 

After three days of awkwardness and avoidance, of shifting eyes and trivial half words, he was the one who found her.

 

Melissa was relieved; the weird disquiet between them, the oppressive space where things were left unsaid was starting to get to her nerves. She didn’t know how to act around him anymore. Every word (and there weren’t many) that was exchanged between them, however ordinary, was loaded with the unspoken. Things were weird between her and Jackson, had been ever since that night, when he had told everyone that he dreamed of Taylor and she had said to him _I’m done with you._ After that Melissa didn’t know what to say to him, how to talk to him. It seemed that he didn’t know what to say to her either, for he had hardly talked to her since. 

 

She didn’t know, if they were still friends. She would have liked to believe that she didn’t care, but she knew herself better than that. So Melissa was relieved (and apprehensive and afraid and sad and angry), when on the third day he sought her out, when she was alone and walking on the beach. 

 

“It’s getting a little chilly. It might rain later.” He came to stand several yards away from her, looking at the sea. 

 

“Maybe.” She really couldn’t care less if it rained or not.

 

“I think so. Look at those clouds there, they look pretty dark.” He looked at her, fleetingly, before turning back to the ocean. 

 

Melissa was getting annoyed. So they were going to talk about weather now? Continue the avoidance? Or did he expect her to start the real conversation? But she felt uncharitable, frighteningly bitter, and so she let the silence fill the space between them once again. After all, he knew just what to say to a girl. 

 

( _“Who starred in your latest wet dream?”  
“You.”_)

 

“Melissa – I want to…what happened at the game was…” Jackson paused, helpless. He cleared his throat, then tried again, “Are you alright? Everything that happened – you were so upset.”

 

“You mean I had a nervous breakdown.”

 

“Well…yeah. A freak out. But all of us have had those, so I guess it was your turn now.” He flashed a smile that she caught with the corner of her eye. “So it’s cool – been there, done that.”

 

“Okay.” Melissa knew she sounded cold, but she couldn’t dwell on her breakdown, couldn’t explain, for she was terrified that she couldn’t control her emotions, that those _thoughts_ would spill out, that she would burst into tears in front of him. She didn’t want to make more confessions. There was too much of her already out there in the open. 

 

“It’s okay you know, if you ever want to talk…”

 

“No – I already talked with Nathan.” Her abrupt words made him stare at his sneakers, defeated, and she flinched. She had wanted to solve this _thing_ between them, hadn’t she? “I’m better now anyway,…but I’ll keep that in mind.” 

 

Jackson raised his eyes to meet hers. She tried to hold his gaze, but couldn’t. 

 

“Mel…” He sighed. “I feel that I screwed up so royally. I didn’t think, I just – said it. I shouldn’t have. It was –” He looked ill and sounded like he was genuinely sorry, and Melissa’s heart went out to him (her stupid bleeding heart), but it couldn’t be that easy. 

 

“I got caught up in the moment, in the game. I forgot…that it wasn’t really a game.”

 

Melissa gathered up her courage; if they were going to talk to each other frankly, then she needed to know if he had – “But it was true? What you said to Taylor – it was true?”

 

Jackson bit his lip. He seemed to falter for a moment, debating between silence and answering, but then a resolute look came upon him. “Yeah. But Mel – it doesn’t mean anything. We…men dream about anyone. It’s just, it’s something that – it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Once, I once saw a dream – I dreamed about my neighbor and she’s at least fifty. So…”

 

“It doesn’t mean anything. Got it.” There couldn’t have been a more awkward topic. They were both blushing, avoiding eye contact, and she _really didn’t_ want to talk about his wet dreams. 

 

“So when I said it, I –”

 

“Okay, that’s – you don’t have to explain. I got it.”

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

 

Melissa wanted to say that he hadn’t hurt her at all, but there was a lump in her throat, familiar and suffocating, and she fought to swallow it down. 

 

“Mel…I – I don’t know what else to say.” He sounded lost, insecure in a way he had never been before. She remembered that he wasn’t the only one, who had said something they regretted later.

 

“I’m sorry too. I was jut so – I had a freak out, just like you said. I said some things I shouldn’t have.” 

 

“But those were the truth too.” The tone of his voice wasn’t accusatory, but a matter-of-fact. 

 

“I guess. In a way.” Melissa had had a lot of time to think about the words she had said that night, when all of her self-control had broken down. The words had been said in a heat of the moment, but it didn’t change the fact that at that moment she had truly, passionately meant them. “But I was unnecessarily cruel and I apologized to Eric and Taylor. And I’m sorry that I was so harsh to you.”

 

( _“Don’t you tell me to do anything, you don’t have the right.  
And why don’t you make your fucking mind already? I’m tired of trying to read your mind. Although - don’t bother on my sake. I’m so done with you!”_ )

 

“Well, I kind of deserved it.” He cracked a small smile. 

 

She didn’t contradict him. 

 

“So, you’re done with me?”

 

“I don’t know.” It was hard to meet his eyes, but Melissa managed it. 

 

“Fair enough.” He turned his gaze back at the sea. “It’s going to rain. I’m going to go gather up our stuff inside the shelter.”

 

He started to leave, and the sight of his forlorn form receding away from her seized Melissa’s heart. She suddenly wanted to shout at him to came back, wanted to say that she hadn’t meant any of it, that she wasn’t done with him, would never be. But the words wouldn’t come. 

 

Jackson turned abruptly to face her, his expression determined. “We’re still friends right?”

 

At least this, she had no trouble saying, “Yeah, we’re friends.”

 

He nodded, but didn’t say anything else. She watched him as he walked back to the camp.


End file.
